It's Been A While.... Tonight has been interesting. I'm fully aware it's 3am, but it's been a mix.  Apparently it's the first time for a fair while that the true "me" had been around. I have nothing but thanks for the person who said "I havn't seen that cheeky smile for a long time".  Exactly what I needed to hear. I'm going up north in a couple of weeks, and you really don't know quite how chuffed I am about it!  For the first time in about a year, life actually feels good and worth enjoying, instead of attempting to fight through!  My very good friends and listening to Baz Lurhman mean I have an awful lot to be thankful for.

8.10.08 03:18 Permalink / 3 Comments / comment

Catching back up. The review of the last year of my life is as follows. I'm only doing it because I'm mind numbingly bored and really can't justify to both my wallet and my liver going to the pub. Again. For the 9th day in a row. 1. What did you do in the year that you'd never done before? Contemplated that there is no such thing as a good human, we're all a plague on the planet and smelt nothing but the putrid stench of filth the species is. But it's passed now. 2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? No and Yes respectivly. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No 4. Did anyone close to you die? No 5. What countries did you visit? Italy, Malta, Norway. 6. What would you like to have in the next year that you lacked in the last? An optomistic outlook on life.   7. What dates from the year will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Some date in March when I became single again. The biggest change for quite a while.  July 11th when I graduated. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Somehow surviving June to graduate from uni. 9. What was your biggest failure? Allowing myself to become bitter, angry and depressive. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yep, a beautiful permanent gash on my right leg following an alcohol fuelled bump into a bench. 11. What was the best thing you bought? Nothing I can really think of offhand. 12. Whose behaviour merited celebration? I should say my own for somehow surviving university, but meh. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Just people in general really. 14. Where did most of your money go? Into the tills at various drinking establishments. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I'm afraid that I havn't got excitied about anything for quite a while now. 16. What song will always remind you of the last year? Hurt by Johnny Cash. 17. Answer these for the last year: a) Happier or Sadder? Sadder b) Thinner or Fatter? About the same. c) Richer or Poorer? Poorer.. 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Attempting to see the good in people. 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Being completely and utterly miserable. 20. How will you be spending Christmas? In London I imagine. 21. Did you fall in love in the last year? No, and never will again. 22. How many one-night stands? None, such behaviour is abhorrent and uncivilised. 23. What was your favourite TV program? Waking the Dead. Can't get enough of it, and would quite like to be Boyd. 24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Yes, but only myself. 25. What was the best book you read? Erm, I havn't really read anything much. Although the poems of Philip Larkin always make me feel slightly better. 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? The fact that I should try and get back into the musical game, having fallen out of it at uni. 27. What did you want and get? Strange as it sounds, plently of time alone, although looking back, maybe less would have been a good idea. 28. What did you want and not get?  A happier outlook on things. It may come back. 29. What was your favourite film of this year? Psycho. 30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Had the last ever exam of my life, went to the pub, drank lots of loverly Guiness, watched Pride and Prejudice (the 1995 TV series), walked home at dawn. 31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not being so utterly pissed off all the time. 32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in the last year? A mess. 33. What kept you sane? In my opinion sanity is over-rated and you are better off insane. To quote Blackadder. "Who would spot a mad man here?"  34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Eva Green is simply the most gorgeous woman alive in my opinion. 35. What political issue stirred you the most? I'm afraid I havn't really thought too much about politics.   36. Who did you miss? The old happy, optomistic, less skeptical me. 37. Who was the best new person you met? Hmm, think I know the answer to this one. 38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in the last year: Trust noone, you will turn your back on people you thought you trusted and they will stick the dagger in your back and twist it before you know it. 39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "You are someone else. I am still right here" Hurt by Nine Inch Nails, although sung by the Johnny Cash version.

5.10.08 16:33 Permalink / 6 Comments / comment

The Mother of All Things Messed Up. For my first entry in well over a year, it's a pleasing sign that everything has completely changed. I'm 20 months closer to death, and what have I gained in that time? Nothing more than a piece of paper with my name on it, saying that I have a degree. What have I lost? About £4000, my relative youth, girlfriend (who will probably read this but alas).  Life at the moment is about as fun as attempting to eat your own elbow, painful and basically completely fruitless.  And I sit alone in my room at two in the morning wondering why I am so awful and why it seems everyone hates me, and who or what I pissed off so badly to deserve a life so completely terrible. And people say, it could be worse, you could be dead.  Nonsense.

4.10.08 01:48 Permalink / 9 Comments / comment

Fat Tuesday That for all you non francophiles is the literal translation of "Mardi Gras" a day to make and devour piles of gorgeous pancakes, which is just the first of many things to be looking forward to this week. Wednesday sees the first of a series of weekly department open days which I am helping out at, should be a decent oppotunity to size up next years fresh (to be honest, this years fresh were *makes Rag hand movement* "Rubbbish!) as well as being a beautiful thing to stick on a CV. I also get a free lunch and free T-shirt so it's not a complete waste of an afternoon. Also really looking forward to wednesday night rammage, friends, bant and the odd pint, generally always good. Thursday becomes a surprise day off in the lack of lectures about how society is going to collapse (oh yes it is!). And at 17.00 on friday the lovely people at frist great western will whisk me home to the capital in just over two hours, for a weekend of relaxation away from these occasional small town blues. Just recently I have had a slight sense of claustrophobia at uni. Also discovered that groups for the most important presentation of the year have been randomized, which has its merits and sad points. It does mean no more mighty team XII, but alas, I think I have a good group, people I know but but don't know too well, perfect for a good working relationship in the team. Right I'm off to do yet more work on pillaging Vikings, and if I feel all sad and manic depressive (let's be honest, life is good enough for me to not feel manic depressant) I might do some work on why all societies implode and such the like. Far too depressing if you ask me. Roll on friday, but not too soon....

20.2.07 14:09 Permalink / 5 Comments / comment

E-xtravagent Weekend It was a rather good weekend just gone, a whole weekend of fun, that could probably have gone into a fourth day, but never mind eh. Saturday was a rather good house party to celebrate two birthdays, one of the "wife" and one of a rather good friend who I met whilst digging up a hole in Devon, in hindsight I do wish I had spoken to him more on the dig, alas, lots of new friends from Stokenham anyway. It was also this particular chaps birthday on Sunday night at a rather posh bar in town, although for an undergrounf cocktail serving bar, £2.70 for a pint seemed rather cheap, certainly less than a pint in good old London would be. How I miss her sometimes. Another good evening had by all, including a very important chat that needed to be had. Possibly another good evening could have been had yesterday, one the theme of the letter E. It was tempting to go as Einstein, a very good E (not only for the mc2 bit), or possibly I could have walked in a curve and been an exponential decay curve, perhaps too much though. Still the other themes of Eggs, Englishness and so on sounded good. So, for the rest of the week, nice spot of tea tomorrow afternoon, bit of learning about some Vikings, a nice evening drink with good friends. Thursday brings about some Collapse of past socities, which is absolutely fascinating. Come friday evening a collective bunch are off to see Bloc Party, a band I have been wanting to see for quite a while, which reminds me to go and order thier new album... See you all again before I probably want to ;-) Stay Different

6.2.07 22:01 Permalink / 3 Comments / comment

Winter Breeze After the gloom of last week, yesterday and today have been beautiful. It's like a huge wind has blown through the clouds that were looming, and from a situation where an awful lot could have been lost, I have somehow comeout with everything in tact. Plus here in the west country for the last few days there has been the smell of spring in the air, cool and refreshing, it is a godsend. Lessons for the weekend, never take friendships for granted, when you are in the situation thinking to yourself you might not enjoy their company again is too painful. I am glad it is resolved, and ultimatly, glad to be alive.

5.2.07 14:15 Permalink / 7 Comments / comment

Thought I'd Forgotten Eh? So, the Alt blog is back once again, this is about the forth resurrection it has undergone now, you've got nothing on me Jesus!  To stick in with the spirit of the last few years, theres about to be a whole lot of ranting. Wheyy!  For starters I am bored out of my brain at the constant barrage of the word "poo" and flatulence noises that surrond me all the time I am in my house. Funny a year a go, for a day, possibly two, but now it's just mind numbingly boring and stupid. Get some new material, please, and preferably something that reflects the age of 19/20 not 3/4 which as far as I can tell is the time when the phrase "Smelly Poo" became about as funny as a nuclear war to me, and that's being nasty to the humour of a nuclear war. Also, I'm going to sound like a hippie but I don't care, learn some energy efficiency! T.V on standy overnight puts about 10p on the electricity bill EVERY NIGHT! Not to mention leaving computers on all day when out, which despite arguments I've heard that it uses more energy to power up a computer but have it swtiched off for say a 4hour stint, that it does to leave it on for 4 hours, learn some basic physics and use some common sense, it just DOES NOT ADD UP! I'm not trying to save the world here, I'm trying to save some money on bills so that I can spend it on better things like food and drink.  On top of this, noise and general respect, when I am asleep at 2am I don't want to hear music blasting through the walls, or people shouting thier head off at someone whos just killed them on a computer game, that is just common decency to others surely. Am I sounding like some moaning old man? Maybe, but I'm pretty sure I'm in the right. Oh and a maisonette is not posh, and doesn't sound continental, I live in one on an ex council estate in London, very posh and very continental...

30.1.07 16:50 Permalink / 6 Comments / comment

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